It’s easier to ask ‘why did you stay?’ to someone who has been in abusive relationships. But surviving through it is a whole other story. In addition, people don’t actually choose to stay and commit to such things, they are made to. There are reasons, constant brainwashing and psychological conditioning that goes into the process.
So here we have 12 real reasons why people choose to stay in abusive relationships?
Usually, people who abuse and the victims have past experiences that make them an easy target for getting into an abusive relationship. They have seen such things. For example, from their parents, their friends etc.
Here, the abuser tries to reflect that you are emotionally valuable to them. “I won’t be able to live without you.” This makes the victim feel guilty of even having an idea of leaving a toxic relationship. Therefore, they attach an emotional importance to them.
The abuser constantly does things that make you forget yourself. “You’re worthless.” “You don’t know how to cook.” They make sure that you don’t have an idea of self, that you don’t think good about yourself. An abuser keeps on telling you are worthless, this way you forget who you are.
Moreover, they play guilt games. They make you think that you are the one who is ‘making’ them act violently. ‘You made me hit you.’ All of this eventually tricks you into thinking that ‘you’ are the one responsible, not them. This shatters the self-identity further.
Gradually, they isolate you. They isolate you from feeling good, from other people in your life, your family, friends etc. When you don’t have anybody else in your life, the abuser becomes the only important person in your life. You believe whatever they say and you stay in the abusive relationships.
Slowly when you no longer know who you are and what you want, the abuser starts to change your realities. They make you believe that you don’t know anything and slowly you lose grip on reality. ‘You’re stupid-that never happened.’ Making their victim question simplest of things imprisons them even more.
7.Acting as God
After isolation, your world revolves around the abuser only. That’s when the abuser offers a little kindness, just to beat you up again someday. This is when the victim starts to feel relief, like the way you feel when you achieve goal after facing hardships.’You are the only one who can handle my mood swings.’ False hopes never die.
8.Fixing the wrongs
When you feel relief in abusive relationships, you forget that you are being played. You start to fix ‘bad parts’ in yourself and develop a ‘new identity.’ Your new ‘me’ is nothing but a puppet to be fully controlled by the abuser. Hence, there’s no route to escape.
Furthermore, going deeper in the pit, the victim becomes a blank slate, they don’t know who they are and what they want. Taking in everything with the abuse is all that makes sense to them.
10.You are the problem
By this time, the victim is all lost. You try to do everything that would stop the reason for abuse (not the abuser). As said earlier, you’ll think ‘you are the reason’. Thus, you’ll keep on changing them, you’ll adjust them to the abusers’ moods and wants. The victim also believes that they are the problem and not their partner.
11.The Pressure of People
When the victim is struggling with their own beliefs and values, the last thing they want is more hate. How could you tell your parents that you are being beaten every night when you think you deserve it? Could you risk being hated more?
12.No other way
The only way a victim think is available to them is ‘no other way.’ When you no longer know you if can do simplest of the things right, you can’t leave your partner because you help them survive, you think you’re the reason why the tighten the fist. You can’t really gather the courage.
Here’s a tip, never ask someone ‘why did you stay?’ It wasn’t their choice to stay in those abusive relationships, they weren’t even themselves at that time. You can unknowingly become an added pressure to what they have felt all these years. Moreover, spread some awareness about it and go share this article!